Memories of Moscow

“How am I going to tell my boss that I’ve lost our VIP client and the rest of his team on the Moscow underground?”

The answer to this question eluded me as, standing in the middle of Red Square I frantically dialed and redialed the client’s mobile number,

The trip to Russia had started according to plan. The incentive group had been suitably impressed by Domodedevo Airport’s intimidating immigration officers and the drab, 60’s style blocks of flats lining the roads on the way to the hotel. It felt right, austere, forbidding, very Russian.

We’d visited the Kremlin and the armoury (full of gold, silver, sparkling Faberge creations and deliciously macabre weapons), Red Square and St Basil’s Cathedral (Lenin was off on his annual vacation with Chairman Mao, being reembalmed), met some authentic Moscovites (stern and dour looking but with a heart of gold) and tried some real Russian food (waistlines beware).

Our last day in Moscow also started well. The sun had made a stunning appearance (I don’t think it had a permit but it showed up anyway, bouncing off the golden domes of the Kremlin and turning the Moskva river into a sparkling conveyor belt of diamonds. The locals, obviously taken by surprise, also sported the beginnings of a smile and even considered removing at least one layer of clothing.

We split the group into teams and briefed them on their morning activities – KGB training. Each team, given their own minibus and driver, was given several tasks to complete at various Moscow locations and following these simple events we’d all meet for lunch at the designated spot and toast the winning team’s efforts with copious amounts of vodka. We’d been planning this activity for months, every eventuality had been thought of and nothing could go wrong – or so we thought.

However, my VIP, showing true leadership abilities, decided to bypass my ‘spotter’ in the metro station and take a short cut (to where no one knows). Thus, during one of my regular ‘calls from HQ’ the last words I had heard from him were “Don’t worry, we’re just getting on the train now……..”

Like a mother who has lost her child, images of every single possible horror that could happen to my lost sheep ran through my brain as I consulted the metro map to figure out how and where we could intercept the rogue team before they reached outer Siberia.

Suddenly, and I’m sure that this couldn’t happen on many underground systems in the world, my call was connected. “Hi Lisa”, the client said breezily.

‘GET OFF THE TRAIN!” - my desperate plea echoed around the square and was made only slightly more embarrassing by the arrival of the rest of the teams who, rapidly understanding what had happened, started whooping and cheering and generally creating an atmosphere of happiness (causing several passing policemen to consider arresting us all for a public display of hilarity)

To cut the rest of the long story short, the team got off the train, were immediately apprehended by my scouts and escorted back to the meeting point. They were so excited by their close encounter with…..what exactly?….that looking back I think it was one of the high points of their trip. The vodka was indeed consumed over their tales of daring exploits and acts of bravery (bear in mind they were only on the train for 20 seconds). This group loved Moscow and its sense of life and ongoing change, vigour and vibrance and youthful fascination with Western commercialism but in truth I’m considering losing the next group too – on purpose and in a very controlled way….of course!!


Musts in Moscow: Hotel Kempinski, Genetsvale Restaurant, The Bolshoi, A ride along the river and above all interaction with the locals……